Do you ever catch yourself in the middle of a tirade against yourself? I mean, really hollering at yourself inside your own head? I catch myself more often than I’d like to admit, but this morning–right in the middle of one of those sessions, I had an idea: what if I’m not wrong?? Double negative aside, what if I am actually right about this “flaw” I am seeing in myself?? What now? It might sound crazy, but what if we embraced the noise in ourselves and said “yes” to it? Let me walk you through my own untangling of this.
The thought began: I wish I didn’t struggle so much with second-guessing myself. I wish I had more true confidence in what I believe. it’s ironic, really, because I know what I know. I deeply believe at my core that I am a radiant spiritual being having a miraculous human experience here. So, why am I troubled by my own mind-scape of self-doubt? In the midst of pondering this dead-end personal reflection, I had an idea: what if I stopped criticizing myself for having self-doubt and instead embraced it and accepted it? What if I said to myself, “yes, I am experiencing my old friend Self-Doubt right now. Here it is again. How many times have I met my old friend on my road? How many more times will it arrive to scare me?”
If I let myself become curious about my old friend, Self-Doubt, it changes the energy of my internal landscape somehow. It takes the sting out of the tongue-lashing my old friend was giving me. Yes, I can say to myself, I have self-doubt–even me–even this highly capable, experienced, well-educated, intelligent woman has self-doubt. It is what it is; and if I can stop trying to change it and resist it, if I can turn and embrace it as a part of my current state of being, perhaps I can also loosen its hold on me. I can take another breath, relax and remember that I am here to awaken from the illusion of my separateness. I can find peace.
What are you thrashing yourself about? Can you turn and embrace your own current state of being and know that you are in good company–the rest of the world.